It started with a piece of liver

This week Sunday Scribblings want us to write using the word late. Writers Island has asked us to use the phrase slipped through my fingers. I've used them both in one piece. I'm not stupid!!!

I was late for my first aid course the other day. I had to do some shopping on the way because I wanted to get some liver from the butcher for my supper.

Now call me odd if you wish, but I just love the feel of liver. It’s sort of slimy in a tactile kind of way and I simply couldn’t resist a grope as I scurried through the mall.

So there I was with this chunk of liver in my hand when the pesky thing made its escape - it slipped through my fingers.

I stopped and turned to pick it up from the floor, when some poor fellow trod on it and went skidding uncontrollably towards an old lady sitting on a bench. I can still see the look of horror on her wrinkled little face as he suddenly tripped and fell with his face in her lap.

Well, she was holding a bag at the time, and I think it must have had something very solid inside it because when he twisted round and gazed up at me he had the beginnings of a pretty nasty black eye.

Rosey to the rescue! I remembered that a good way to ease an injured eye is to plonk a piece of steak over it. I didn’t have a steak, but it occurred to me that liver might just have the same effect. I couldn’t find it at first but then I noticed it stuck to the soul of his shoe. I peeled it off and carefully placed it over his sore peeper.

He made a strange sound, I can’t really describe it, but I got the impression that he was suffering a little discomfort. I suppose it must have been a bit gritty.

An onlooker noticed that I had a water bottle sticking out of my bag. She said we should use its contents to rinse out his eye as quickly as possible. I started to take the bottle from my bag and she grabbed it before I could explain that it was not just water. In fact it wasn’t water at all. It was lemonade. Oh, and it was liberally laced with vodka. You see, my first aid classes can be a bit boring, so I sometimes – well, I usually take a little tipple with me in the guise of mineral water!

It was getting worse. By the weird noises he was making his eye was obviously stinging rather badly. I thought it might help if we could sit him up, so I grabbed his arm and tugged. I’ve never heard a yell like the one he let out then!

By now quite a crowd had gathered, and fortunately most of them had not witnessed the liver incident which set off this whole sorry situation. So I turned to the nosey lady next to me, tutted, and made a comment about what a shame it was that he’d injured himself. Then I discretely made my escape by backing away through the assembled mass and blending into the folk walking past.

A couple of days later I was back in the mall when hobbling in my direction came a man walking with a crutch, his eye bandaged and his arm in a sling. I nipped into the nearest shop, and intended staying in there until he’d passed!

Unfortunately I was looking over my shoulder rather than where I was walking, and that’s when the display shelves toppled over showering a child with dozens of teddy bears. I don’t have much luck.