dictionary

The other day I heard someone on the radio who said he had read all 16 volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary. He said that by doing so he had actually read every book ever written in the modern English language. I have to admit I didn’t really understand what he meant, but I thought I’d remember it for the next time I need to say something profound.

I do that quite a lot. I hear things I don’t get, but they sound good so I save them. Jokes too. I can’t be the only person who has trouble understanding what people are laughing at. But I try to memorise them, then tell them to my friends and they laugh. I laugh too and I know I get away with it most of the time, but not every time as Keith delights in telling you.

As I was saying, this bloke with the dictionary gave me an idea. I love words. I bet that surprised you. I really do, so I thought I’d have a go at reading the dictionary. I used to use a lot of long words when I was a kid and my friends used to say I swallowed the dictionary. I assured them I hadn’t, I mean it would be a bit difficult wouldn’t it, unless it was printed on that edible paper. Someone gave me some panties made of that stuff once. I didn’t fancy eating them though.

So I got my pocket dictionary and started reading. It was so boring. I got as far as D though. I noticed some odd things along the way, like abbreviated is a very long word and dyslexic is a hard one to spell which seems a bit unfair. What if a dyslexic person had to fill in a job application and needed to mention his problem? He wouldn’t be able to spell it.

The reason I’m telling you all this is because the other day we all met for a pub quiz and I was the star of the show. I think Keith will be praising me in his next post, so I won’t say any more! Cheerio new friends.
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