Hey guys, has he gone? By now my friend Keith should have flown away for one whole week, and for the next few days he won’t be watching over my shoulder and making those tutting noises. I reckon this a good opportunity to put the record straight on one or two things. Things you don’t know!
For instance I bet you didn’t know he types with one finger. It looks so funny. And you should see all the red underlining put there by the spell checker! Spelling is not his strong point.
He’s lazy too. Get this, he eats his food off paper plates and uses disposable cutlery to avoid washing up! I mean, come on. It’s not exactly the thing to do in these green awareness days.
Not only that, but he eats in front of his PC. You should see the state of his keyboard. There’s enough dropped food between the keys to feed one of the smaller starving nations for a week!
He also tells awful jokes. You’ve probably noticed that he accuses me of not understanding his witty quips. Well, the reason I don’t laugh is because they are not funny, and unlike his mates I’m not going to pretend they are.
I tell you what’s really annoying. He never swears. I’ve never heard an expletive leave his lips. It’s all an image thing I’m sure. I don’t mind admitting that the odd naughty word does on occasions leave my otherwise pure and clean mouth. What’s wrong with that? If I stub my toe I say... well, I’ll leave it to your imagination. And if I get overexcited when I’m telling a tale, my language can become somewhat colourful. What do I get?
‘Rosey my dear, you really shouldn’t use a swear words as a substitute for a carefully chosen one. Not only is it lazy but it may suggest to some that you have a very poor command of the English language which of course you have not’.
Obviously they are not his exact words; I’m trying to give you a flavour of what I have to put up with. Bloody cheek.
Anyway I may let you have a few more snippets later in the week. We’ll see!
ps. In case you read this while you are away Keith I'm sure you know this all meant in fun! It's all true of course.