Now this is a tradition I love. Hanging up a bunch of mistletoe at Christmas! I got mine yesterday and I’m eagerly awaiting my first mistletoe kiss of the season.
The priest popped round just now with a leaflet thing about Christmas services at his church, and I saw him looking at it. He had me worried for a moment I can tell you! His wasn’t the first kiss I had in mind.
I thought I’d try a write a serious composition about mistletoe (are bits of writing still called compositions like they were at school?) so I looked up on that wicki-picki-poodle thing. Wow! It was full of Latin words and ancient history. Hardly a thing about kissing! I did find out that it’s the national emblem of Oklahoma – I bet Missy gets sore lips this time of year!
So I’ll stick to what I already know. I know that you are allowed one kiss for every berry on the sprig. Some years this is good, some years this is bad and I have to buy artificial ones! One year berries kept falling off on the bus going home! What a swizz! I also know that you are supposed to remove a berry after each kiss. I don’t really hold with that tradition so I don’t stick to it. (What do you call a tradition that’s no longer a tradition? I thought of extradition but that means something completely different)
I heard on the radio today that in England we get lot of our mistletoe from France. I also heard that you have to ‘French kiss’ under French mistletoe. NO THANKS! Tongues – yuc! It’s especially bad if the kissee has been indulging in that other French tradition, chewing garlic.
That reminds me. I recently bought a lovely necklace. Well I think it’s lovely. It’s like large brown balls on a string. Someone said I looked very French so I said ‘what do you mean?’, and he said it looked like I had a string of onions around my neck. I didn’t understand, so he said ‘that’s what the traditional image of a Frenchman looks like’. I said that when I was in Paris last year I didn’t see any girls using stinky onions as jewellery.
Anyway, my sprig of mistletoe looks fantastic and I’ve been practising puckering up in front of the mirror. I’m ready lads!
Keith has written a story about me for Sunday Scribblings. I've not read it yet, I'm saving it for later. If I've done this right you can click here and find yourself there - if you see what mean