I've written this for (Fiction) Friday.
I’ve had a few boyfriends. Well, at my age I am bound to have done. But I’ve never found anyone special. No young man has ever frothed my coffee, showered me in fairy dust or carried me away on a cloud of candyfloss.
In fact I’ve not had much luck in the bloke department.
For instance there was Pete the Geek! I told myself that the anorak and his bobble hat didn’t matter. After all he was an interesting person. He once announced that he was going to give me a treat. We were going to the airport. I of course assumed that we were jetting off for a romantic night in Paris or somewhere.
Wrong. He took me up to the observation platform where I sat shivering under a blanket with earplugs in, whilst he gushed over Boeings and Airbuses and other assorted flying machines.
Then there was Jimmy the Joker who always had a funny comment in every situation. Unfortunately I have a problem differentiating between tragedy and comedy and cried when I should have laughed, and giggled when I ought to have pulled a sympathetic expression.
There was Trevor and his tandem, Freddy who suffered from flatulence and Julian. The less said about Julian the better, except to say that he had an unusual physical ‘problem’ which I couldn’t keep my eyes off!
Should I tell you about it? I’m always afraid of saying something which could offend my readers! Okay, Julian had a strange twitch. One eye brow shot up and down quickly followed by the other one, a bit like the brows on a ventriloquist’s dummy! There I’ve told you.
Well, I couldn’t stop staring at him and once I kinda went into a trance and he had to wave his hand in front of my eyes to break me out! So that was that.
What I came here to write about was blind dates. I’ve had a few of those I can tell you! Keith wrote about one last week – he called it He’s not for Rosey or something. It was a pretty accurate account of yet another disastrous encounter.
But the one that I remember almost was a blind date! It was arranged for me to meet my date at the bench alongside the second rubbish bin in the park. At the appointed time I sat down and waited and then I saw a couple of guys coming towards me. They were arm in arm so I assumed they were, well, you know! Batting for the other side!
Then I noticed one was wearing a blindfold – it must have been my blind date.
And it was. He was introduced to me as Toby, and then his friend made a discreet exit left! He clearly wanted to take the blind date bit really seriously, so I played along. He asked if he could feel me which took me back a bit! Then I realised he wanted to feel my face to get an idea what I looked like. I said it would be easier if he took the blindfold off and took a look, but he was adamant that he wanted to act blind.
So I steered his hand to my cheek and he started feeling around which tickled a bit. Then he suddenly stuck a finger up my nose and poked me in the eye with his thumb! Wow, that hurt!
Now I couldn’t see either because my other eye had closed in sympathy. Talk about the blind leading the blind.
That broke the ice and we did go on to see each other a few times, but it wasn’t to be. Sorry about the anti climax!
I wonder what they’ll find for me next?