I think I believe in Father Christmas

I’m dying to tell you about my Christmas stocking! When I woke up on Crimble day, there it was on the floor by the wall exactly where it would be if I had a chimney, only I don’t.

It was bulging! Now if you are thinking ‘silly mare, she filled it herself on Christmas Eve' then you obviously didn’t read my composition called Things I like about Christmas because Thing 2 (or was it Thing 3?) explained that I buy and wrap my own Santa presents a year in advance. It is well documented that I am somewhat challenged in the memory department, so when the time comes to open them I’ve forgotten what I bought! Clever or what??

As I was saying, there it was on the floor and I was so excited that a little bit of wee came out! How embarassing.

Then Fuzzybut and Scruff jumped up on the bed – they must have realised that Santa had brought them some gifts too, catty things, you know.

The first thing I got was a backscratcher! I love it, it’s like a finger on a stick. Then I un-wrapped a CD. It was by Basshunter and called ‘Now You’re Gone’. It was number one in the charts last January, but I obviously forgot it would no longer be number one when I received it.

And then out popped a squeaky rubber mouse. I guessed that must be for the cats, although I must admit I quite like it myself. Just think of the fun I could have with that in the pub!

And then came a packet of cigarettes - Santa clearly didn’t realise that I gave up in March. That was followed by a miniature bottle of vodka, so I took off the top and necked it!

And then a sort of muesli bar. The excitement was making me a little peckish, so I tore off the wrapper and took a bite. Yuk! It tasted dreadful. I picked up the wrapper and saw the words ‘Canine de-worming treatment’. I spat it out; Scruff sniffed it then ran out of the room.

There was a lippy, a Snickers, a notebook, a game.
A pen and a key ring, a brooch with my name.
A hair clip some chocolates a book and a comb.
A toy for the cats, and a photograph frame.

Right at the bottom there were some nuts and an orange – Father Christmas always left me those when I was little. And that, as they say, was that! Oh, I forgot the hat! A red Santa one with a sprig of plastic mistletoe that hangs over my head! You never know who might pop round.

So that’s it. On Monday I’ll go shopping for next Christmas’s stocking fillers. I’m just waiting for a call from Father Christmas telling me what to get!


Missy said...

Sounds like you had a nice little Christmas. Flush the cigies down the toilet lol..

Although I am not opposed to smelling a pipe... something about the smell of a pipe and brandy hmmmmm nice..

Enjoy ringing in the new year.

Linda Jacobs said...

This is so clever! I might just try it myself this year. Ingenious!

Granny Smith said...

Are you sure these are the things you packed last year? They sound to me like genuine Santa Claus gifts.

Unpretentious Diva said...

Ohh yep Christmas is fun. And as it is quite clear with your post, you had a great christmas!
Hope the new year eve will bring similar fun and happiness whole around you!

yet, what will you say about this Christmas Message?

gautami tripathy said...

You got a book? What are you going to do with it?

Pass it on to me!

Molly said...

OMG woman, you just made me laugh so loud I cried.

Fantastic post and awesome humor.

Congrats on the quitting smoking...

Lucy said...

oh rosey posey! YOU are so adorable and delightful! shopping a year in advance, how sweet and clever! but i still don't know WHO moved your stocking?
I guess it MUST have been santa!
If u Believe Rosey, He does exist you know!

Whitesnake said...

YOU smoked?

BJ Roan said...

Love that you buy your presents a year in advance. About July, I'd be sneaking a peek! Loved reading this post!

Marguerite said...

LOVED your post. Made me laugh so much I had to be careful not to wee wee. hee! hee! I think I will borrow your idea and do some shopping for Father Christmas myself. I, too, am memory challenged so I'm sure to forget by then. btw, thanks for the visit and comment.

floreta said...

that is so cute! now *i* want to buy presents for myself and wrap it for next year. LOL.

John Tran said...

What an excellent idea, wrapping gifts well in advance!

The wee part was too much information. :)

Alison May said...

Oh you clever woman: what a fabulous idea! Would it be terribly amiss of me to steal it for myself... while I too buy myself teeny little gifties at Christmas, it is usually the day before Christmas when wrapping them strikes me as mildly bonkers...x

Doe said...

very original!!!
i liked how you wrap presents in advance and all...the backscratcher, the CD, Vodka, cigarettes-hilarious!

happy hols ;)

Tumblewords: said...

This is the best kind of sock, I believe!

b said...

We all know that if a girl doesn't do it herself it may not get done...Father christmas or no Father Christmas.


gel said...

Hi Rosey,
I felt like a kid reading this. It's so energetic, fun, and warm. Enjoyed every bit. Glad your holiday was a terrific one!

Melody said...

Oh this was so fun, I felt like I was right there beside you while you were opening your gifts. I too am very forgetful so I may try this for my stocking. Who knows what surprises I will receive from Father Christmas next year! Happy New Year Rosey.

Janet said...

Actually, that's not a bad way to manage.